Trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement

• Card 1

  When harm and comfort come from the same person, the nervous system can form an attachment that feels far stronger than an ordinary bond. Kindness that arrives unpredictably — especially after fear or distance — is powerfully reinforcing, which is why on-off relationships can feel more gripping than steady ones.

• Card 2

  A pattern many people recognise

  1. Tension builds
     ↓
  2. Something painful happens
     ↓
  3. Distance, silence or fear
     ↓
  4. Warmth, apology or relief
     ↓
  5. Hope returns, and the bond deepens

• Card 3

  This is a nervous-system pattern, not a sign of weak judgement or a wish to be treated badly. Understanding it often reduces the shame that builds up around staying.

• Card 4

  Go deeper into how these bonds form and gently unwind.

  Open the Trauma Bonds module →

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