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The inner critic and shame

How self-attack and shame can reinforce each other.

  • Card 1

    Shame is the feeling that something is wrong with you as a person, rather than with something you did. A harsh inner critic often speaks in exactly that language — “you're stupid”, “you're too much”, “you're unlovable” — rather than commenting on a specific action.

  • Card 2

    How the cycle can look

    • A mistake or setback happens
    • The inner critic responds with global, personal attacks
    • Shame intensifies, making the critic feel even more “true”
    • Withdrawal, over-apologising or self-punishment can follow
    • The pattern repeats next time something goes wrong
  • Card 3

    Because shame and self-criticism are so closely linked, it can help to explore this module alongside our dedicated Shame-Based Trauma guide, which looks in more depth at where shame comes from and how to work with it.

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