Red flags and green flags

• Card 1

  No single moment defines a relationship, but patterns that repeat over time are usually worth taking seriously — in either direction.

  Possible red flags

  • Consistent dismissal or mockery of your feelings
  • Isolation from friends, family or other support
  • Apologies that are never followed by change
  • Your boundaries being treated as a problem to overcome
  • A pattern of intense highs followed by withdrawal or punishment
  • Feeling like you are managing someone else's moods to stay safe

• Card 2

  Possible green flags

  • Consistency between what is said and what actually happens
  • Room to disagree without the relationship feeling at risk
  • Repair being offered, not only accepted, after conflict
  • Your no being received without a lasting cost
  • Curiosity about your experience, rather than defensiveness
  • Feeling more like yourself around this person, not less

  If this reflection brings up a relationship that feels frightening or repeats a familiar, hard-to-leave pull, our Trauma Bonds module explores that dynamic directly, and Crisis Resources are available if you are not safe.

• Card 3

  For reflection

  • Which of these patterns do I recognise in a current or past relationship?
  • Which pattern took me longest to notice, and why?
  • What would it look like to name one of these out loud?

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